Ideas

Typically, I get two kinds of people who want to write for GetOffMyLawn: grumpy bastards with an immediate need to get something (anything!) off their chest, and grumpy bastards that have hit a creative block.

For those of you in the latter camp (or even in the former who want to keep writing for GetOffMyLawn), here is a simple starter list that I compiled the evening before I launched the site. In other words, these are just a few of the things that piss me off. :)

Pick one, then go write your ass off.

  • People who text and drive
  • People who talk on their cell phone at a professional sporting events and in movie theaters
  • People who talk on their cell phone while they are checking out at the grocery store
  • People who leave their cart in the middle of the grocery aisle
  • People who interrupt when you are speaking
  • People who talk in movie theaters, especially if they say what’s going to happen next in the movie
  • People who drive too slowly
  • People who drive in the “fast” lane on the freeway
  • People who don’t take off their sunglasses when talking to you
  • People who don’t write thank you notes after you spent time and money on them (for special occasions like weddings, graduations)
  • Dorks who don’t leave you alone
  • People who spit their gum out on the floor
  • People who use stereotypes
  • People who use air quotes
  • People who use the word “surreal” all of the time
  • Airbrushed models on magazine covers
  • People who walk diagonally across intersections
  • 24/7 x 365 Smily, happy people
  • Morning people
  • People with poor personal hygiene
  • The 8:00 am Sunday morning lawn mower guy.
  • People who rely on Oprah to help them make decisions
  • Grammar nazis
  • People who ask even after you say “don’t ask”
  • People who always call on the phone when you don’t have time to be on the phone
  • People who constantly fish for compliments
  • People who say “seriously” all the time
  • People who actually like Christmas
  • People who feel the need to overshare
  • People who correct you when you misquote Star Trek/Star Wars/Battlestar Galactica
  • People who screw up punchlines
  • People who burn popcorn at the office
  • People who answer rhetorical questions
  • Salespeople who latch onto you and follow you around the store.
  • People from high school who never seem to change.
  • People who hum or whistle.
  • Telemarketers
  • People who still relive the glory days of high school.

15 Responses to “Ideas”

  1. Sarah Vela January 13, 2011 at 10:03 am #

    coffee snobs

    people who talk about their pets as though they are children

    overprotective parents/attachment parenting

    people who think they can touch your belly when you’re pregnant

    people who do yard work VERY EARLY

    people who retweet positive mentions of themselves

    people who don’t pull into the intersection when they are waiting to turn left at a green light

    vegans

    Reply
    • NoahVail January 13, 2011 at 1:31 pm #

      I’ll tackle the one on coffee snobs.

      Reply
      • myerman January 13, 2011 at 4:45 pm #

        no fair you already wrote it!

        Reply
  2. midnightferret January 13, 2011 at 10:58 am #

    Oh this is awesome. I was tinkering with one in my secret word stash on my USB drive, but you have forced me to make mini outlines for at least 3 articles related to this list. To Evernote!

    Reply
  3. myerman January 13, 2011 at 12:28 pm #

    Here are some more:

    guys who use those stupid pickup lines
    women who pretend they don’t like sex as much as guys do
    people who have kids and then pretty much abandon their friends w/o kids
    people are career-focused to the point of insanity
    people who value money and status above all else
    people who have face tattoos and get pissed when they can’t get a job
    people who are way way WAY into UFC and other fighting sports

    Reply
  4. MamaKat January 14, 2011 at 9:28 am #

    I think the “not removing sunglasses when speaking to you” thing must be Texas. Or perhaps removing them is New York? Either way, I’ve noticed it too. As soon as a conversation begins, my glasses are up on my forehead, even if it means I’ll be chasing the purple spots on my retinas for the next hour. There is little as disconcerting as wondering if your conversational partner is staring at the pimple on your nose, or down your shirt, or at the mountain lion stealthily creeping up behind you.

    Reply
    • myerman January 14, 2011 at 11:07 am #

      Dammit re: looking down the shirt bit. I’ve been foiled yet again.

      Reply
  5. NoahVail January 24, 2011 at 9:54 am #

    Lance Armstrong.

    Reply
    • myerman January 24, 2011 at 10:01 am #

      Is he on your lawn AGAIN?

      Reply
      • NoahVail January 24, 2011 at 10:11 am #

        Doing doughnuts on his Big Wheel. Kinda weird.

        Reply
  6. NoahVail February 11, 2011 at 4:17 pm #

    PowerPoint.

    Reply
    • myerman February 11, 2011 at 6:59 pm #

      Oh HELL YEAH

      Reply

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