Inbox Zero

7 Feb

by

Inbox ZeroDear Holier-Than-Thou,

Congratulations on emptying your inbox. But there are two things you should know: It doesn’t matter, and I don’t care.

Your inbox is just going to fill up again. In fact, it will fill up faster than before because you’ve just spent eight hours responding to email. So now all the people you responded to are going to write you back. Email begets more email. Just give up already.

Wanna clean out your inbox periodically? Here’s a more commonsense, less sanctimonious way of doing it:

  1. Sort by sender and delete all the newsletters you never read and email from people you don’t like. That should clear up 80%.
  2. Sort by date and delete (or archive if you’re a scary hoarder) anything older than 30 days.
  3. Deal with the rest. Or don’t. Who gives a good goddamn?

If this doesn’t satisfy you, use the nuclear option: Select All + Delete. And above all else, don’t broadcast when you reach Inbox Zero, or worse, get close to Inbox Zero. It’s none of my business, no matter how smug it makes you feel.

Sincerely,

Inbox 6,329

9 Responses to “Inbox Zero”

  1. Jenz February 7, 2011 at 9:53 am #

    I see a lot more from people bragging about how many unread emails they have, it often comes out like a Shankmanesque “look how popular I am!” plea for attention. If it weren’t for those messages, then bragging about a basic skill like email management wouldn’t happen, it wouldn’t be any more special than keeping your toilet clean. ;)

    Reply
    • myerman February 7, 2011 at 9:57 am #

      For a while I ran this posterous site called Inbox Infinity, but I had to give it up, too depressing. :)

      Reply
    • NoahVail February 7, 2011 at 12:37 pm #

      Just cranked out my seventeenth proposal of the day! Yay me!

      Reply
    • myerman February 9, 2011 at 12:17 pm #

      Did you just utter the Name that Must Not Be Uttered?

      Reply
  2. midnightferret February 7, 2011 at 4:08 pm #

    But… if I had Inbox Zero, I’d lose all the interesting reading lists and link lists I’ve been saving since the advent of gmail!

    Wait, did I just type that out loud?

    Reply
  3. Amanda Quraishi February 9, 2011 at 10:46 am #

    You’re a bitter little man, Noah.

    Reply
  4. Laura February 12, 2011 at 11:40 am #

    Ooh, I’m a great fan of your nuclear option. Tactical strike in 5, 4, 3…

    [watches mushroom cloud]

    Done and done. Next up: “doing the dishes” with my trusty rifle!

    Reply
    • myerman February 13, 2011 at 11:23 am #

      If it’s truly important, they will email me back.

      Reply

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